I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
