Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
