he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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