So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
