apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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