I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
