im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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