You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
