Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
