would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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