i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
