I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
