i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
