When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
