i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
