He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
