I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
