haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
