I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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