Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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