If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So much Jack, so little girl.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize