You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
