She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
