OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize