I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
