My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
