Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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