Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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