I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
