I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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