There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
