I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
