He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
