Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
