and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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