Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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