I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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