the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
