Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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