It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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