she looked like the before picture.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
