I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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