I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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