just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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