I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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