I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
