i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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