apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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