Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
