so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
