if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
