Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
