Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
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all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
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I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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