she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
