pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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