i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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