she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
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You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
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If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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