I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Omg I joined a choir last night...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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