when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
